HiddenWonderland

I spend too much of my time wasting my life away…

Dear you,

I wanted to tell you how I feel about what happened between us. I don’t know if you want to read this but I’ll write it anyway. I think the reason that it all unfolded between us is that I was lonely. I am lonely. And I just needed someone to hold me and tell me that I would be okay. You did that. For those few days, I understood what it would be like to really love someone. But there is something that happens to me when I look at you. I forget that you have your rules, that you have your boundaries. And it is too much to expect you to change the way you are, change who you are, for someone you barely know. It would have been too much to ask of anyone. But for seven days you put up with me. And for this I thank you. This is where it gets good. From this day forward, I’ll stop talking to you. I’ll stop looking at you, sitting with you, laughing at your jokes. I’ll stop thinking about you. And maybe that will stop me from being someone you loathe. Maybe that will stop me from saying something that I don’t mean. Because that’s all it is, isn’t it? A few careless words is all it takes for someone to love you less and less. I don’t want to say anything more careless.

This is what I’ve learned. It is possible to fall in love with someone after a week of knowing them. It is possible, and in my mind that is still what happened. I can’t help but love you. And I am sorry for being the kind of person that I am. One day they’ll probably find some kind of cure for this kind of loneliness. And then I’ll swallow the pills and sink into my own shadow. There are other ways of feeling unlonely. You are not the first person I have ever loved, and you will not be the last. But you are the only person I have ever loved in this way, in this small and happy way. And there will never be anyone quite like you.

I hope you have a lovely life. I hope that the quiet does us both good. It has been a pleasure to understand you, in some part.

-Me

(Source: pavorst)

Tonight, I fell in love with a stranger…

Reblog if you’re unattractive and single.

(Source: islifeworthliving, via psichedeliche)

pavorst:

So, you think you’re in love.
But before you fall into something,
write down ten things that make you happy.
You’ll need them when everything ends.
Prepare yourself. You will be hurt.
Be happy in the small moments.
They are all that will stay alive.
They are what you keep. 

I wish I read this earlier… I’m not entirely sure what makes me happy.
You were all of my ten things and more.

Let’s string together some words, and put them on a page and pretend that they can express exactly how we feel.

I’m about to watch a movie that I know is going to make me cry. And I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle the sadness that comes with crying. But hey, I’m smart like that. So let’s do this shit!!

I think I’m happier today.
Not a lot, just a little, but it’s a start.